PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS: THE LIGHTNING THIEF
Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Sean Bean, Pierce Brosnan, Steve Coogan, Rosario Dawson
dir. Chris Columbus
Get ready for some hot topless Percy action! At least, that's what's promised by the gratuitous opening shots of the latest teaser for Chris Columbus's next tweenage fantasy adventure franchise...Having said that, the entire tone of this trailer is altogether more grown-up than before, emphasising the darker, more intense elements of the story (MONSTERS! BROSNAN!) presumably in a concerted effort to entice the Twilight generation back into theatres. And although we're not entirely convinced it has the fanbase to pull off Harry Potter numbers, its broad appeal and inclusive story should guarantee it avoids a Cirque De Freak-style obliteration at the box office. Quality-wise, if it ends up in the region of The Spiderwick Chronicles then that's just dandy by us.
GREENBERG
Ben Stiller, Greta Gerwig, Rhys Ifans, Jennifer Jason Leigh
dir. Noah Baumbach
Latest slice of indie whimsy from Wes Anderson co-hort Baumbauch, here going it alone in the follow-up to 2007's under-performing Margot At The Wedding. It's been quite a year for Baumbach following the commercial success and critical glowers for his script work on Anderson's Fantastic Mr Fox, and Greenberg looks set to continue that run. Ben Stiller returns to his lo-fi roots as a New Yorker who moves to Los Angeles to house-sit for his brother and generally sort out his sorry, directionless life. The premise is pure Sundance-bait, but don't let that put you off - this looks like it's got bags of heart, something Baumbach's film are often accused of lacking. Even the presence of Rhys Ifans isn't that scary - this is a pretty straight role for the tabloids' favourite bad-boy.
CRAZY HEART
Jeff Bridges, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Robert Duvall
dir. Scott Cooper
Trust Jeff Bridges to pull it out of the bag... Following low-key turns in a couple of dodgy comedies (How To Lose Friends & Alienate People, The Men Who Stare At Goats - both based on Brit journo classics & both adapted by Peter Straughan, weirdly) the man who IS The Dude finally gets his teeth into something altogether more meaty...more Oscar-worthy, if you will, in Scott Cooper's low-key drama about a country singer coming to the end of his career. This looks like a complete and utter showboater from Bridges and the Academy Award nomination is pretty much guaranteed. Throw in some strong support from Maggie Gyllenhaal (who is never bad) and word-of-mouth to die for and this is shaping up to be that rarest of things - a serious, entertaining drama for grown-ups. Frankly, we're amazed Clint Eastwood didn't direct it. With this and the forthcoming 3D extravaganza Tron: Legacy in the offing, 2010 could be Bridges's year.
Sunday 29 November 2009
TJ MILLER = SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE OUT-OF-WORK ACTOR...STILL LANDS ROLE IN YOGI BEAR MOVIE DESPITE APPARENT INTELLIGENCE, INITIATIVE...
Good for you, TJ Miller...
You may remember the up-and-coming comedian/actor from the JJ Abrams monster mash-up Cloverfield. He played Hud, the guy with the video camera fearlessly and, it's got to be said, implausibly documenting the creature's New York rampage for historical posterity. He was also the most quotable character in the whole movie - a neverending series of quips ensured his position as the only key player you didn't want to see dead at the hands of an evil, rampaging beast. Take, for instance, the classic, "it matters because I need to talk about something...otherwise, I'm actually probably going to shit my pants in this stairwell." That's some nice work right there...
Anyway, Miller's landed himself a bit of a plum comic role in an upcoming big-budget, big-screen reboot (or should that be reimagining?) of Hanna Barbera's ever-hungry ursine hero, Yogi Bear. He'll play Ranger Jones, hapless human foil to Jellostone's favourite picnic thief.
The reason why we're posting about this is the manner in which Miller got the part. After failing his initial audition (idiots!) Miller took matters into his own hands and filmed this hilarious showreel, which somehow made it in front of the producers and is now presented for your pleasure in amazing Yodpod-ovision...
Funny, yay? Sadly, Bam Bam will not be appearing in the movie and Yogi himself will be 100% pure CG. And yeeeeees, there's always the chance this could go the way of Scooby Doo, which drowned in lifeless effects and uninspired sight gags...
Despite this, the signs are good. The screenplay's been polished by Brad Copeland, a credible TV writer whose credentials include writing gigs on Arrested Development and My Name Is Earl. The director is Eric Brevig, a former FX man (he worked on The Abyss, Total Recall and The Day After Tomorrow, to name just three) who made his directorial debut with last year's 3D fun Journey To The Centre Of The Earth. Oh, and Yogi will be voiced by the legend that is Dan Aykroyd (we won't have a bad word against him, despite occasional forays into quackery.)
But it's Miller we're excited about. Yogi Bear may not exactly make him a prime candidate for the next Atom Egoyan film (every cloud etc) but it will give him an international platform and hopefully cement his reputation as a Very Funny Man. And maybe next time he won't have to work so hard on the audition.
Yogi Bear will be released in 2010 and for what it's worth, we reckon it will be incredible.
In the meantime, here's what happened the last time Dan Aykroyd came face-to-face with an over-eager grizzly...
You may remember the up-and-coming comedian/actor from the JJ Abrams monster mash-up Cloverfield. He played Hud, the guy with the video camera fearlessly and, it's got to be said, implausibly documenting the creature's New York rampage for historical posterity. He was also the most quotable character in the whole movie - a neverending series of quips ensured his position as the only key player you didn't want to see dead at the hands of an evil, rampaging beast. Take, for instance, the classic, "it matters because I need to talk about something...otherwise, I'm actually probably going to shit my pants in this stairwell." That's some nice work right there...
Anyway, Miller's landed himself a bit of a plum comic role in an upcoming big-budget, big-screen reboot (or should that be reimagining?) of Hanna Barbera's ever-hungry ursine hero, Yogi Bear. He'll play Ranger Jones, hapless human foil to Jellostone's favourite picnic thief.
The reason why we're posting about this is the manner in which Miller got the part. After failing his initial audition (idiots!) Miller took matters into his own hands and filmed this hilarious showreel, which somehow made it in front of the producers and is now presented for your pleasure in amazing Yodpod-ovision...
Yogi Bear Audition With Real Bear - Watch more Videos at Vodpod.
Funny, yay? Sadly, Bam Bam will not be appearing in the movie and Yogi himself will be 100% pure CG. And yeeeeees, there's always the chance this could go the way of Scooby Doo, which drowned in lifeless effects and uninspired sight gags...
Despite this, the signs are good. The screenplay's been polished by Brad Copeland, a credible TV writer whose credentials include writing gigs on Arrested Development and My Name Is Earl. The director is Eric Brevig, a former FX man (he worked on The Abyss, Total Recall and The Day After Tomorrow, to name just three) who made his directorial debut with last year's 3D fun Journey To The Centre Of The Earth. Oh, and Yogi will be voiced by the legend that is Dan Aykroyd (we won't have a bad word against him, despite occasional forays into quackery.)
But it's Miller we're excited about. Yogi Bear may not exactly make him a prime candidate for the next Atom Egoyan film (every cloud etc) but it will give him an international platform and hopefully cement his reputation as a Very Funny Man. And maybe next time he won't have to work so hard on the audition.
Yogi Bear will be released in 2010 and for what it's worth, we reckon it will be incredible.
In the meantime, here's what happened the last time Dan Aykroyd came face-to-face with an over-eager grizzly...
THE UNBEARABLE WEIRDNESS OF BEING NICOLAS CAGE...
The good folks over at Lionsgate have unleashed the latest teaser for upcoming Nicolas Cage medieval spine chiller Season of the Witch, which you can watch RIGHT HERE WITH YOUR EYES...
Now, a couple of things to note:-
1. The film apparently has nothing to do with Halloween III: Season of the Witch, nor George Romero's lost 1973 horror pic Season of the Witch, nor indeed folkster Donovan, who has a song also called Season of the Witch. IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO ALL OF THOSE OTHER THINGS. Okay?
2. It's directed by Dominic Sena, the man behind such perfectly functional hits as Gone In 60 Seconds & Kalifornia, as well as being responsible for the still-genius Halle Berry tit-reveal in Swordfish (actually, joking aside, Swordfish rocks.) Oh, and he directed the Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation video, but you have to start somewhere, I guess.
3. It represents the next logical step in an increasingly weird series of career choices from Cage following appearance in such shoddities as Ghost Rider, Next & this supernatural/sci-fi guff-fest Knowing. After Season of the Witch, he'll next be seen in a modern-day, action-adventure version of The Sorceror's Apprentice - there's a vague frisson of excitement knowing that either film could potentially represent the nadir of his career...
4. On the plus side, his Herzog team-up in Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans is absolutely incredible and word is 2010's Kick Ass will be insane. So that's all good.
5. The premise revolves around the idea that a witch could have single-handledly been responsible for the Black Death, which is ludicrous but AMAZING. Appearance of Ron Perlman brings much coveted "Outlander" kudos to the exciting medieval action.
6. Perhaps most pant-wettingly exciting of all, Christopher Lee makes an appearance as a dastardly cardinal, and if anyone in the history of cinema was born to play a dastardly cardinal, then it's Rasputin The Mad Monk himself. Let's be honest, the plot is 100% pure Hammer awesomeness.
7. We'll absolutely be checking this one out on opening weekend (providing it doesn't go straight to DVD first, that is.)
8. Hope that's good enough to take Cage's mind off this.
9. And just what the hell was he thinking by doing this?
10. Er, that's it.
Now, a couple of things to note:-
1. The film apparently has nothing to do with Halloween III: Season of the Witch, nor George Romero's lost 1973 horror pic Season of the Witch, nor indeed folkster Donovan, who has a song also called Season of the Witch. IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO ALL OF THOSE OTHER THINGS. Okay?
2. It's directed by Dominic Sena, the man behind such perfectly functional hits as Gone In 60 Seconds & Kalifornia, as well as being responsible for the still-genius Halle Berry tit-reveal in Swordfish (actually, joking aside, Swordfish rocks.) Oh, and he directed the Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation video, but you have to start somewhere, I guess.
3. It represents the next logical step in an increasingly weird series of career choices from Cage following appearance in such shoddities as Ghost Rider, Next & this supernatural/sci-fi guff-fest Knowing. After Season of the Witch, he'll next be seen in a modern-day, action-adventure version of The Sorceror's Apprentice - there's a vague frisson of excitement knowing that either film could potentially represent the nadir of his career...
4. On the plus side, his Herzog team-up in Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans is absolutely incredible and word is 2010's Kick Ass will be insane. So that's all good.
5. The premise revolves around the idea that a witch could have single-handledly been responsible for the Black Death, which is ludicrous but AMAZING. Appearance of Ron Perlman brings much coveted "Outlander" kudos to the exciting medieval action.
6. Perhaps most pant-wettingly exciting of all, Christopher Lee makes an appearance as a dastardly cardinal, and if anyone in the history of cinema was born to play a dastardly cardinal, then it's Rasputin The Mad Monk himself. Let's be honest, the plot is 100% pure Hammer awesomeness.
7. We'll absolutely be checking this one out on opening weekend (providing it doesn't go straight to DVD first, that is.)
8. Hope that's good enough to take Cage's mind off this.
9. And just what the hell was he thinking by doing this?
10. Er, that's it.
Friday 27 November 2009
NEW MOON: TWI-HARD...TWI-HARD: TWI-HARDER...TWI-HARD WITH A VENGEANCE...LIVE FREE OR TWI-HARD
THE GOOD...1. Improves on the first movie in almost every possible way...it's bigger, brighter, sexier, sassier, cleverer, more expansive in scope (hello Italy!) and (yes!) camper than ever before... The script's hardly Harold Pinter but so what? This is big, dumb soap opera fun, so earnest and overwrought and OTT (especially in the delivery of some excruciating dialogue) it could almost be a Bollywood movie...
2. Vampire vs. werewolves add badly needed dramatic zing... Ironically, the first movie lacked any real bite and it never really felt as if anything was at stake (ahem)... here, the IMMENSELY homoerotic Jacob vs. Edward tensions really spice up the movie and provides Bella with some proper dilemmas to (sorry!) sink her teeth into.
3. Hellooooo Taylor Lautner!...dude completely aces it in what is probably the most difficult role in the film...After all, the majority of his screentime is spent hanging around half-naked, spouting syrupy shitty dialogue and trying not to look ridiculous... A tall order, which the he pulls off with ease - he's every inch the teen idol he needs to be when facing off against the mighty quiff of R-Patz... Oh, and not only is the guy completely and utterly pecked to the nines, Lautner also makes you care about Jacob's journey from adolescent loner to teenage werewolf (Twereolf?)
4. Speaking of R-Patz, he comes of age as a solid leading man in New Moon and smoulders like he's never smouldered before... And to think that in the 1970s, George Hamilton was considered to be the very definition of vampire chic (Love At First Bite = AMAZING.)
5. There's so much testerone flying around the screen you'd forgive Kristen Stewart for wanting to take a back seat but thankfully she's having none of it... On a roll this year following the terrific coming-of-age comedy Adventureland, Stewart takes the whole conflicted teen heartache thing and runs with it.
6. Hang on - was that Dakota Fanning? Yes, yes it was!
7. Production values massively improved this around - compared to it's rather lo-fi predecessor, New Moon actually looks like a proper film courtesy of some top notch cinematography (some of the mistier, in-the-woods stuff even evokes Hammer. Honestly!)
8. Too many other bat-shit crazy scenes to mention: the first reveal of Lautner's mega-chest..the jaw-droppingly brilliant/awful flash-forward "vision" sequence in which Edward and Bella run through the forest dressed like extras from The Sound Of Music (it's Edelweiss via The Bold & The Beautiful)...Bella's unfortunate foray into the world of dirt-biking (!)...Jacob & Bella's trip to the cinema to watch new cutting-edge action thriller "Face Punch"... Seriously, this film is NUTS.
9. A great cliffhanger that paves the way nicely for Eclipse (its director David Slade cut his teeth on "all men are fuckers" flick Hard Candy so at the very least it should be interesting.)
THE BAD...
1. Not enough Michael Sheen...as the sinister master of vampire sect the Volturi (and token Brit baddie - tick it off!) Newport's finest barely gets 15 mins of screen time in the whole movie, popping up to wreak havoc in the final act (It's as if the film suddenly goes "must have baddie now!") And while that's just about enough to get his big Welsh gnashers into a reasonably substantial piece of scenery, it would have been nice for him to show off his not inconsiderable acting chops for a little longer. (Note to producers: Michael Sheen needs to be cast in every film ever produced from hereon in.)
2. Director Chris Weitz still can't handle big "beast vs. beast" fight sequences..this is his second chance to stage a massive set-piece battle after cocking up the bear fight in The Golden Compass, and once again he misses by a long way...the CG's unconvincing and the action's uninvolving...wobbly.
3. Uncomfortable subtexts...basically, in Twilight-land (Twiland!) if you're a girl, you're pretty much 100% subservient to the man in your life, so much so that (added bonus!) if you ever dare piss him off, the likelihood is you'll get beaten or damaged in some very real, very physical way and (thank heavens!) it's almost always going to be your fault... Essentially, yes, you CAN have your uber-hot alpha-male vampire/werewolf boyfriend but only as long as you're prepared to bake him muffins and take a little rough and tumble along the way. INCREDIBLE. Still, while the film may not depict everyone's exact idea of a feminist utopia, it's obviously doing something right (I left the cinema drpping in oestrogen, just don't tell Doris Lessing...)
VERDICT...
Almost overpoweringly angst-filled...be warned, New Moon is pain-riddled, acne-stained emo through and through. In other words, this is the Paramore of stupid vampire movies and Twi-hards won't be disappointed... (despite wonky sexual politics.)
***
Wednesday 25 November 2009
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY...THE MOST TERRIFYING FILM SINCE WHITE CHICKS?...
BIG SPOILERS AHEAD...
THE GOOD
1. A 100% stone-cold sleeper hit (almost literally - as in life, all the big set pieces take place in the bedroom) - its massive return on a low budget ($15k for the initial shoot) indicates big audience appeal...
2. Unyieldingly creepy in parts...the initial disturbances are all about noise and shadow and the single-camera set-ups that drive much of the film's ghoul action are clinically effective in forcing the audience to examine every part of the frame, even when nothing really appears to be going on...
3. Terrific central performances by newcomers Micah Stoat and Katie Featherston, the latter's descent into madness (and eventual possession) is completely convincing and grounds the movie in some form of hastily assembled reality when everything around her all gets a bit silly...you really get the sense anything could happen, none of the characters are safe...
4. The scenes in which Katie is literally dragged out of bed by the unseen demon are eery as hell...very unsettling stuff from director Oren Peli who effectively uses the movie as an 85-minute calling card.
5. Genuinely thrilling finale worthy of a master... The final shocking moments were pitched by Steven Spielberg himself and it shows - it's visceral, exciting film-making reminiscent of Spanish handheld horror classic [REC] in its sheer WTFness. In fact, the last couple of shots WILL shit you up. And the way the film immediately cuts to black as the houselights go up...there's a lack of finality about it that's audacious...there's no closure to be found here...
6. It's a terrific audience movie - Paranormal Activity really plays in front of a big crowd and half the fun is hearing the folks around you go "oooh" "ahhhh" and (occasionally) "aaaargh!" in all the right places...the simple premise and tight execution of the key scares virtually guarantee a reaction...(There's nothing better than watching a movie with big audience and actually hearing them react to whats on screen.)
7. There's something almost old-fashioned and a bit stubborn about it - at heart, despite the "found-footage" premise the story is a very traditional ghost yarn with all the usual beats you'd expect...it's no surprise that Spielberg (who loves a good ghost story himself - see Poltergeist) loved it, and unlike The Blair Witch Project, which never actually got round to telling us if something supernatural was going on, this wears its heart on its sleeve - we're never in any doubt something majorly fucked up is occurring.
8. Mark Fredrichs is hilarious as a psychic detective called in to investigate the disturbances...never before in the history of cinema has anyone been so unhelpful... he's so selfish he essentially just leaves Katie and Micah to die despite being fairly confident about how it's all going to play out. What a total shit. (And yet, AMAZING.)
THE BAD
1. It's NOT the scariest film ever made, regardless of virtually all the publicity material saying otherwise..the movie's too formulaic for that...this is essentially Amityville Horror via Blair Witch, or Drag Me To Hell if you drained out the slapstick. Some of the recent reviews (including a few 5-stars from people who should really know better) are baffling...IT'S NOT THAT GOOD.
2. Sometimes it's just too damn boring... In particular there are longeurs in the middle act where narrative momentum grinds to a crushing halt - the couple freak about their situation, calm down again, freak out some more, go to bed, get scared, repeat again and again...
3. There's a little too much dumb movie logic...for example, even though it's crystal clear something very creepy is going on when the lights go down, the couple's consistent refusal to move out and try their luck somewhere else doesn't ring true...handy if you're shooting a low-budget horror movie, pretty bloody dull for everyone else. And stupid, really. I mean, seriously - just MOVE HOUSE...ok, ok, so we're told that it would make no real difference in any event, that the ghost is really a demon and as such it would just simply follow them around etc... But you'd give it a try, wouldn't you? Especially when all the clues point to it living in the attic...The point is, if this was happening in real life, you'd run away. REALLY FAST.
4. The Ouijja Board scene is unintentionally hilarious. Perhaps it's just the novelty of seeing something so low-tech in 2009 but for whatever reason it simply doesn't work.
VERDICT...
An effective chiller with a handful of really nice old school scares, Paranormal Activity isn't exactly the most terrifying film you'll see, but it is fun and Oren Peli will no doubt go onto bigger and better things.
***
THE GOOD
1. A 100% stone-cold sleeper hit (almost literally - as in life, all the big set pieces take place in the bedroom) - its massive return on a low budget ($15k for the initial shoot) indicates big audience appeal...
2. Unyieldingly creepy in parts...the initial disturbances are all about noise and shadow and the single-camera set-ups that drive much of the film's ghoul action are clinically effective in forcing the audience to examine every part of the frame, even when nothing really appears to be going on...
3. Terrific central performances by newcomers Micah Stoat and Katie Featherston, the latter's descent into madness (and eventual possession) is completely convincing and grounds the movie in some form of hastily assembled reality when everything around her all gets a bit silly...you really get the sense anything could happen, none of the characters are safe...
4. The scenes in which Katie is literally dragged out of bed by the unseen demon are eery as hell...very unsettling stuff from director Oren Peli who effectively uses the movie as an 85-minute calling card.
5. Genuinely thrilling finale worthy of a master... The final shocking moments were pitched by Steven Spielberg himself and it shows - it's visceral, exciting film-making reminiscent of Spanish handheld horror classic [REC] in its sheer WTFness. In fact, the last couple of shots WILL shit you up. And the way the film immediately cuts to black as the houselights go up...there's a lack of finality about it that's audacious...there's no closure to be found here...
6. It's a terrific audience movie - Paranormal Activity really plays in front of a big crowd and half the fun is hearing the folks around you go "oooh" "ahhhh" and (occasionally) "aaaargh!" in all the right places...the simple premise and tight execution of the key scares virtually guarantee a reaction...(There's nothing better than watching a movie with big audience and actually hearing them react to whats on screen.)
7. There's something almost old-fashioned and a bit stubborn about it - at heart, despite the "found-footage" premise the story is a very traditional ghost yarn with all the usual beats you'd expect...it's no surprise that Spielberg (who loves a good ghost story himself - see Poltergeist) loved it, and unlike The Blair Witch Project, which never actually got round to telling us if something supernatural was going on, this wears its heart on its sleeve - we're never in any doubt something majorly fucked up is occurring.
8. Mark Fredrichs is hilarious as a psychic detective called in to investigate the disturbances...never before in the history of cinema has anyone been so unhelpful... he's so selfish he essentially just leaves Katie and Micah to die despite being fairly confident about how it's all going to play out. What a total shit. (And yet, AMAZING.)
THE BAD
1. It's NOT the scariest film ever made, regardless of virtually all the publicity material saying otherwise..the movie's too formulaic for that...this is essentially Amityville Horror via Blair Witch, or Drag Me To Hell if you drained out the slapstick. Some of the recent reviews (including a few 5-stars from people who should really know better) are baffling...IT'S NOT THAT GOOD.
2. Sometimes it's just too damn boring... In particular there are longeurs in the middle act where narrative momentum grinds to a crushing halt - the couple freak about their situation, calm down again, freak out some more, go to bed, get scared, repeat again and again...
3. There's a little too much dumb movie logic...for example, even though it's crystal clear something very creepy is going on when the lights go down, the couple's consistent refusal to move out and try their luck somewhere else doesn't ring true...handy if you're shooting a low-budget horror movie, pretty bloody dull for everyone else. And stupid, really. I mean, seriously - just MOVE HOUSE...ok, ok, so we're told that it would make no real difference in any event, that the ghost is really a demon and as such it would just simply follow them around etc... But you'd give it a try, wouldn't you? Especially when all the clues point to it living in the attic...The point is, if this was happening in real life, you'd run away. REALLY FAST.
4. The Ouijja Board scene is unintentionally hilarious. Perhaps it's just the novelty of seeing something so low-tech in 2009 but for whatever reason it simply doesn't work.
VERDICT...
An effective chiller with a handful of really nice old school scares, Paranormal Activity isn't exactly the most terrifying film you'll see, but it is fun and Oren Peli will no doubt go onto bigger and better things.
***
Tuesday 24 November 2009
SPIELBERG + JACKMAN = ROBO-PLOP?...DREAMWORK SPLASHES OUT...
It's been announced that Dreamworks' first production under their recent $825mil refinancing deal will be the Hugh Jackman sci-fi/boxing hybrid Real Steel and frankly, it sounds like it's going to be a shocker...Adapted from a short story by Richard Matheson and directed by Shawn Levy (the heart-breakingly talented auteur behind such masterstrokes as Cheaper By The Dozen and Night At The Museum), film is set in a future where robots fight against each other for sport, with Jackman starring as a down-on-his-luck ex-boxer looking for redemption by taking a particularly skilled robot to the top. Oh, and he reconnects with his son, of course!
Terrified yet? You should be - the premise sounds like a bunch of corn balls, Jackman's not exactly on a roll (Australia, Wolverine both duds) and the last movie based on a Matheson story was The Box, which may well be quite good (it opens in the UK next week) but it didn't exactly shit up the US box-office. Still, apparently Spielberg's behind the project all the way and with everything in place for a June 2010 shoot, there's still plenty of time to fix this thing before it hits cinemas. And we all enjoyed Surrogates, right? RIGHT?
Variety has the story.
I AM SIGOURNEY WEAVER/I AM NOT SIGOURNEY WEAVER...
I've written a letter to James Cameron...
Mr. J. Cameron
c/o Lightstorm Entertainment
919 Santa Monica Blvd
90401 Santa Monica
California, USA.
24 November 2009
Dear Jim (it's okay if I call you "Jim", right?),
Firstly, massive fan. Your contribution to cinema is completely inspiring (even Piranha 2!) and I'm really, reeeeally looking forward to Avatar, even though my friends refer to it as "that giant Smurf movie." Clearly they're movie-hating idiots!
Secondly, now that I have your attention {crossing my fingers right now!} I'd like to take this opportunity to pitch a unique marketing/TV tie-in idea which I think you'll agree is the perfect addition to your already AMAZING Avatar marketing campaign.
OK, ready? Here goes!
Basically, it's a prime-time, network quiz show called "I Am Sigourney Weaver/I Am Not Sigourney Weaver." Inspired by your completely and utterly revolutionary special effects techniques, the concept behind the show is simple: each contestant (picked at random from a ballot of convicts) is given an opportunity to guess whether the "Avatar" they're watching either is (or isn't!) movie legend Sigourney Weaver! If the contestant guesses correctly, they win! If they guess incorrectly, they lose! (Oh btw, losing = certain death.) It's that simple! (Lady Sigourney would herself be required to film several minutes of footage for each episode, although I'm sure with your string of industry contacts we'd be able to set this up!)
I'd be enormously grateful for any feedback you have on this idea, which I think could be the greatest quiz show idea since someone with too much money/cocaine decided that randomly opening cardboard boxes on primetime television somehow = mind-blowing entertainment. I look forward to us working together!
Yours sincerely,
Chris Blohm
Editor-in-Chief, 24 Frame Planet
P.S. If I hear anyone referring to Avatar fans as "Avatards" then I will publicly chide them.
P.P.S. My heart WILL go on if you read this!
P.P.P.S I've enclosed a picture of me in Avatar garb (Avagarb!) which I trust sufficiently encapsulates my sheer, unadulterated ENTHUSIASM for your new film!
Will let you know how it goes.
Mr. J. Cameron c/o Lightstorm Entertainment
919 Santa Monica Blvd
90401 Santa Monica
California, USA.
24 November 2009
Dear Jim (it's okay if I call you "Jim", right?),
Firstly, massive fan. Your contribution to cinema is completely inspiring (even Piranha 2!) and I'm really, reeeeally looking forward to Avatar, even though my friends refer to it as "that giant Smurf movie." Clearly they're movie-hating idiots!
Secondly, now that I have your attention {crossing my fingers right now!} I'd like to take this opportunity to pitch a unique marketing/TV tie-in idea which I think you'll agree is the perfect addition to your already AMAZING Avatar marketing campaign.
OK, ready? Here goes!
Basically, it's a prime-time, network quiz show called "I Am Sigourney Weaver/I Am Not Sigourney Weaver." Inspired by your completely and utterly revolutionary special effects techniques, the concept behind the show is simple: each contestant (picked at random from a ballot of convicts) is given an opportunity to guess whether the "Avatar" they're watching either is (or isn't!) movie legend Sigourney Weaver! If the contestant guesses correctly, they win! If they guess incorrectly, they lose! (Oh btw, losing = certain death.) It's that simple! (Lady Sigourney would herself be required to film several minutes of footage for each episode, although I'm sure with your string of industry contacts we'd be able to set this up!)
I'd be enormously grateful for any feedback you have on this idea, which I think could be the greatest quiz show idea since someone with too much money/cocaine decided that randomly opening cardboard boxes on primetime television somehow = mind-blowing entertainment. I look forward to us working together!
Yours sincerely,
Chris Blohm
Editor-in-Chief, 24 Frame Planet
P.S. If I hear anyone referring to Avatar fans as "Avatards" then I will publicly chide them.
P.P.S. My heart WILL go on if you read this!
P.P.P.S I've enclosed a picture of me in Avatar garb (Avagarb!) which I trust sufficiently encapsulates my sheer, unadulterated ENTHUSIASM for your new film!
Will let you know how it goes.
Monday 23 November 2009
TRAILERS, Y'ALL: GREEN ZONE....CLASH OF THE TITANS...KICK ASS...
GREEN ZONE
Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Brendan Gleeson, Jason Isaacs
dir. Paul Greengrass
The latest thriller from Bourne Ultimatum director Paul Greengrass takes Rajiv Chandrasekaran's account of life in post-invasion Baghdad and turns it into a pulsating action drama, replete with Jason Bourne himself in the lead role. If the source material took a more sober look at the eccentricities of everyday life inside the Green Zone then the trailer makes the film look more like a modern techno-thriller, as Matt Damon kicks it out almost Modern Warfare-stylee. WIth Greg Kinnear along for the ride as a conspiring politico, this should be the first bone fide post-Iraq blockbuster... CLICK HERE
CLASH OF THE TITANS
Sam Worthington, Gemma Arterton, Ralph Fiennes, Liam Neeson
dir. Louis Leterrier
GIANT FUCKING SCORPIONS. That's pretty much all you need to know about this reboot of the 1981 fantasy extravaganza and Saturday afternoon classic. Reasons to be cheerful? Leterrier's the man who breathed life into the Hulk franchise so there's no reason why he can't do the same for this old chestnut, and Liam Neeson's beardy turn as a kick-ass Zeus looks camp as a bag of hammers. With FX to spare and Hollywood's new franchise poster-boy Sam Worthington in the lead, this should go head-to-head with Prince of Persia for 2010's most sandal-tastic adventure. Bring on those scorpions... CLICK HERE
KICK ASS
Aaron Johnson, Nicholas Cage, Chloe Moretz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse
dir. Matthew Vaughn
One of the big draws of this year's Comic-Con, Matthew Vaughn's off-the-wall adaptation of Mark Millar's comic series should end up as one of 2010's break-out hits... Hip, ultra-violent and more than a little foul of the mouth, it depicts a world in which super-heroes don't exist, much to the annoyance of high school geek Dave Lizewski (played by British newcomer Aaron Johnson) who dons costume and takes to the streets in an ill-fated attempt to emulate his heroes. Nicholas Cage supports but the big buzz is all about 12-year old Chloe Moretz as tweenage avenger Hit Girl. Recent footage showcasing the movie's penchant for outrageous humour and hacked limbs has left audiences salivating - this is going to be huuuuuuge...CLICK HERE
Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Brendan Gleeson, Jason Isaacs
dir. Paul Greengrass
The latest thriller from Bourne Ultimatum director Paul Greengrass takes Rajiv Chandrasekaran's account of life in post-invasion Baghdad and turns it into a pulsating action drama, replete with Jason Bourne himself in the lead role. If the source material took a more sober look at the eccentricities of everyday life inside the Green Zone then the trailer makes the film look more like a modern techno-thriller, as Matt Damon kicks it out almost Modern Warfare-stylee. WIth Greg Kinnear along for the ride as a conspiring politico, this should be the first bone fide post-Iraq blockbuster... CLICK HERECLASH OF THE TITANS
Sam Worthington, Gemma Arterton, Ralph Fiennes, Liam Neeson
dir. Louis Leterrier
GIANT FUCKING SCORPIONS. That's pretty much all you need to know about this reboot of the 1981 fantasy extravaganza and Saturday afternoon classic. Reasons to be cheerful? Leterrier's the man who breathed life into the Hulk franchise so there's no reason why he can't do the same for this old chestnut, and Liam Neeson's beardy turn as a kick-ass Zeus looks camp as a bag of hammers. With FX to spare and Hollywood's new franchise poster-boy Sam Worthington in the lead, this should go head-to-head with Prince of Persia for 2010's most sandal-tastic adventure. Bring on those scorpions... CLICK HEREKICK ASS
Aaron Johnson, Nicholas Cage, Chloe Moretz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse
dir. Matthew Vaughn
One of the big draws of this year's Comic-Con, Matthew Vaughn's off-the-wall adaptation of Mark Millar's comic series should end up as one of 2010's break-out hits... Hip, ultra-violent and more than a little foul of the mouth, it depicts a world in which super-heroes don't exist, much to the annoyance of high school geek Dave Lizewski (played by British newcomer Aaron Johnson) who dons costume and takes to the streets in an ill-fated attempt to emulate his heroes. Nicholas Cage supports but the big buzz is all about 12-year old Chloe Moretz as tweenage avenger Hit Girl. Recent footage showcasing the movie's penchant for outrageous humour and hacked limbs has left audiences salivating - this is going to be huuuuuuge...CLICK HEREHOLD ONTO YOUR POOHOLES...AND GET READY FOR THE MOST EXTRAORDINARY CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE OF YOUR STUPID OLD LIFE...
Sometimes, a film comes along that doesn't just redefine the language of cinema as we know it...it changes your pespective on HUMANITY ITSELF. No, I'm not talking about 2012. I'm talking about a film of such dazzling beauty, such emotional resonance that the cinema screen itself cannot contain it. The experience is so overwhelming, so intense that it simply HAS to go direct to DVD... Ladeez and gentlemen, I give you...
UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: REGENERATION
(thanks, Live For Films)
A SERIOUS MAN...COEN BROS. LATEST ROCKS/PERPLEXES HARD...
THE GOOD
1. It's the Coen Bros's most personal movie yet...Ok, so the Coens don't exactly make "personal" movies (or at least, ones we know about) but even so A Serious Man sees the duo shift down a gear into more domestic, low-key storytelling after the bloodbath of No Country For Old Men and the hectic misfire of Burn After Reading...film channels their own Minnesota upbringing and feels all the more intimate for it.
2. Michael Stuhlbarg's performance as maths professor & loyal husband/father Larry Gopnik...Stuhlbarg has been a jobbing TV actor for the past 10 years but A Serious Man represents his first lead role in a movie...It's a stunner, too - as the hapless protagonist, Stuhlbarg exudes humanity in a way we haven't seen in a Coen Bros movie since Frances McDormand's award-winning turn in Fargo...he WILL be Oscar-nominated.
3. The final shot of a tornado headed straight towards the young Danny Gopnik (played with confidence by newcomer Aaron Wolf) is stunning and poetic...Sure, there's lots of speculation as to what it all means, exactly (the existential shit-storm coming to Danny post-Bar Mitzvah as he hurls himself into the responsibilities and obligations of adult life, perhaps?) but whatever your interpretation, there's no denying its puzzling beauty...one of the most haunting scenes you'll see in a cinema this year.
4. It's a small-scale film about big questions...as Gopnik's life starts falling apart around him, he turns to three local Rabbis for guidance...Naturally, being a Coen Bros movie at no point is an easy solution on the table - take, for instance, the diverting "Goy's Teeth" sequence, in which a dentist desperately tries to make sense of a series of Hebrew inscriptions discovered on the inside of a patient's teeth only to be told not to worry about it...this pretty much sums up everything about the film's philosophy and approach to narrative convention (don't think too hard, take it easy, it's the journey that counts etc.)
5. Richard Kind...the movie's biggest name (he's a regular in Curb Your Enthusiasm) also plays its most curious character, Gopnik's brother Arthur, who's sleeping on the sofa and working on his own gambling theory which seems to work but no one really seems to know why...He's the lost soul of the film, and underplays beautifully.
6. It's funny. Really funny. From the increasingly sinister attempts of a Korean student trying to bribe Gopnik into bumping his grades to the sheer uselessness of the Rabbis' advice, the gags flow pretty consistently throughout. Just don't expect big belly laughs, however - this is black stuff.
7. Roger Deakins. As you'd expect from the legendary cinematographer & regular Coen collaborator (with the exception of Burn After Reading, he's handled every one of their films since Barton Fink) the film looks gorgeous, perfectly capturing Gopnik's suburban hell as the world closes in around him.
THE BAD
1. Not exactly entry-level Coens...loose plot and meandering structure will no doubt perplex as many people as it will delight e.g. period prologue set within a Polish shetl & entirely in Yiddish is interesting but apparently unconnected with the main events of the film...that's the kind of artistic freedom you get when you're the Coen Bros...
2. Female characters are either secretaries, adulterers or sex objects...if you're looking for strong women then go elsewhere (disappointing from the creaters of Fargo's brilliant Marge Gunderson)...This is very much about the Jewish male experience.
3. It's still as cynical as hell, another Coen trait...Despite his apparent attempts to do the right thing at all opportunities, Gopnik's life still falls apart around him for reasons he can't control or will never understand...any attempt to improve his situation tends to result in failure or confusion.
4. Er, that's it. This is the Coens on form...
VERDICT...
Like The Man Who Wasn't There, this is very much one for the fans. The Coens have long since given up trying to adapt their unique world-view for a mainstream audience and there's nothing in A Serious Man that suggests they're about to change anytime soon. However, if you want to take the ride, you'll find it a rich, rewarding, if occasionally frustrating experience.
****
Sunday 22 November 2009
2012...IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS ROLAND EMMERICH KNOWS IT...AUDIENCE FEELS FINE...
THE GOOD
1. Amazing special effects...let's be absolutely clear, the end of the world has never looked this good. Unlike a lot of so-called blockbusters where it's nigh on impossible to see exactly how they spent their enormo-budgets, 2012 splashes its cash all over the screen like a massive CG dirty protest...it's huge cost (reportedly a gargantuan $260mil) is up there for all to see and it looks incredible.
2. Edge-of-your-seat escapes...despite being completely and utterly ridiculous, the initial dash out of California is one of the most exhilirating action sequences you'll see in any movie this year (so much so that it received a begrudging round of applause at the screening I attended...say what you will about Roland Emmerich, he's a showman.)
3. An attitude to science that's so cavalier and downright idiotic you just have to give it credit...So apparently the end of the world is caused by neutrinos from the Sun warming up the Earth's core like microwaves?...Crust chaos ensues. Bravo, Mr Emmerich, bravo! Such bullshit is to be commended.
4. The Vatican gets totalled...the only bad thing about this is that Ewan McGregor wasn't fucking parachuting over it at the time (despite obvious gaps in logic and reason, 2012 still comes across as 10 times more plausible than Angels & Demons.) Oh, and while we're at it - Hawaii? You're FUCKED.
5. John Cusack. Nonsense like this needs someone likeable at its centre and Cusack nails it...he's just cool enough without being too smarmy and you're with him every step of the way even when things get really, really silly. In other words, you'll want John Cusack to be your crappy dad.
6. Danny Glover IS the President of the United States of America... First, Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact, and now Lethal Weapon's very own Roger Murtaugh - who knows, maybe one of these days the US will actually get a black president for real! Anyway, Glover's great throughout - stoic, grounded, authoratitive...he may be too old for this shit, but he certainly doesn't act like it. (My prediction for Independence Day 2? Bill Cosby.)
7. The dog survives! This is a pre-requisite for any modern disaster movie, the principle being "who gives a shit about the death of billions of innocent human beings when there's a pooch on the line?" Admittedly, the scene in question isn't exactly up to the standards of Independence Day's amazing "dog survives nuclear-style blast in tunnel by jumping out of the way" sequence but hey, at least it's there.
8. It knows it's bollocks. In one crucial twist, the crust of the Earth moves 1000 miles thus enabling our heroes to get to their destination in a fraction of the time despite running perilously low on fuel...Only a film with an acute sense of its own existential ridiculousness would have the guts to try this kind of shite and get away with it.
9. Woody Harrelson is perfect as the conspiracy theorist/hippy blogger who implausibly knows every detail of the government's Super Secret Plan to ensure the survival of humanity...along with Zombieland, Harrelson's having quite a year, in a "token hick" sort of way.
10. It's not Knowing.
THE BAD
1. It's loooong...at 2hrs38min, film veers into Harry Potter territory, length-wise but doesn't really have the story to sustain it...your bum WILL be numbed. (The most perfect blockbuster ever made is Raiders of the Lost Ark and that's exactly 115 minutes including credits. Just saying.)
2. All that sub-Poseidon Adventure nonsense at the end undermines the spectacle of everything that went before...and did they really have to a have a "countdown to destruction" style finale?...As soon as that clock started ticking there was only ever going to be one resolution.
3. Forget the whole "Ark" premise at the end - the film should have had the courage of its convictions and sent its survivors into space...it's the only way it could have got any bigger.
4. Like any disaster movie, the characters are, to a certain extent, stereotypes covering off most demographics...the nationality/gender/occupation of each character seems to determine their narrative function or direction, and as pointed out by the excellent Skepchick blog, the ladies in particular get real short shrift.
5. Product placement is shameless...Sure, these movies cost an awful lot of money but does it have to be so blatant? According to 2012, the end of the world will be sponsored by Sony Vaio...
6. Even in tosh like this where suspension of disbelief is essential for Maximum Entertainment Value, there are just some logical chasms you shouldn't leap, namely in the final act, after the Earth's tectonic plates have been shifted beyond all recognition, when entire countries have been drowned and billions killed, apparently it's still relatively straightforward to get a mobile signal and divulge important plot information to the key protagonists. Okay, from an artistic viewpoint, the film isn't exactly The White Ribbon but c'mon, really???
VERDICT...
Emmerich's masterpiece of destruction & the biggest, bestest, most pedal-to-the-metal, balls-to-the-wall disaster movie royale with cheese you'll see this year. Think The Day After Tomorrow and then think 20 times bigger than that.
****
Thursday 19 November 2009
Aliens. Vikings. Jesus. Is "Outlander" the film of the year? (Fuck you, Michael Haneke.)
So I finally caught up with Outlander recently... Funnily, it's not exactly The Battle of Algiers, but if you're looking for a little bit of hot "Viking vs. Alien" action then get ready to meet your new favourite film. Featuring a veritable shit-fest of ham-packed performances and some of the hokiest CG you'll this side of Giant Shark Vs. Mega Octopus, Howard McCain's sci-fi actioner wears its B-movie credentials on its sleeve, coming across like a low-rent Predator via Beowulf.
Sound good? Absolutely, and for much of its 90 minutes, Outlander delivers on its promise of good, old-fashioned cheap and cheerfuls. Limbs get ripped, bits get hacked and the alien beast thing quickly makes mince-meat out of the hapless Viking hordes. In other words, it's shit and it knows it is. Nothing wrong with that.
It's not all fun and games, however. The action's fairly perfunctory and despite the occasional glimpse of splatter, the film feels bloodless (there are a couple of disembowellings but really, this is all PG-13 stuff - expect anything more spicy and you'll just end up disappointed.) Needless to say, John Hurt's clearly slumming it here and Jim Cavaziel displays all the charisma of a nail in the face. Thank goodness, then, for nasty old Ron Perlman who cranks up the camp and gets completely Scandanavian on the asses of all involved, despite relatively little screen time.
There's a large chunk of exposition at the beginning of the final act that fleshes out Cavaziel's character and tells you all about the alien's origins, but in reality it's completely unnecessary and just delays the action. And a bizarre banquet scene in which Cavaziel and Jack Huston (like a prettier, cheaper Karl Urban) demonstrate their sheer, sweaty manliness (and bond!) by drunkenly racing across some upturned shields feels like it's from a completely different movie.
And yet, Outlander is never completely terrible, just bland, and happily kills 90 minutes without offending anyone. Direction is serviceable and production values exactly what you'd expect from this kind of low-budget potboiler. The thing is, that concept, that original pitch is a killer, and you're left wondering what someone like Sam Raimi in his Evil Dead prime, or even Guillermo Del Toro could do with this material.
24 FRAME GOLD....
Commando (dir. Mark L. Lester, 1985)
Fuck James Cameron, THIS is the film that launched Arnold Schwarzenegger as a bona fide action superstar. Thank Christ, then, that Commando is still, after all these years, a gratuitously violent potboiler with all the charm of a rocket-propelled grenade in the face.
Directed with gusto by grindhouse alumnus Mark L Lester (yes, that's right, that Mark L. Lester, the director of the 1974 classic Truck Stop Women - I know, incredible!) Commando tells the tale of hard-ass military chap John Matrix (John Matrix!) and his suitably low-key attempt to rescue his kidnapped daughter from the clutches of uber-villain Arius (played with almost racist zeal by the legendary Dan Hedaya, slapping on the fake tan like you wouldn't believe) and his horde of increasingly dastardly bastards.
Needless to say, it's still completely and utterly amazing, regardless of the film's somewhat cavalier attitude to continuity errors (check out the chase sequence with the yellow sports car - one minute it's mangled like a dog's arse, the next it's showroom pristeen. Incredible.) Oh, and the bit where Arnie swings across the shopping mall is still one of the greatest stunts ever committed to film, if not the single greatest moment in the history of movies. Ever. Or something.
Fuck James Cameron, THIS is the film that launched Arnold Schwarzenegger as a bona fide action superstar. Thank Christ, then, that Commando is still, after all these years, a gratuitously violent potboiler with all the charm of a rocket-propelled grenade in the face.
Directed with gusto by grindhouse alumnus Mark L Lester (yes, that's right, that Mark L. Lester, the director of the 1974 classic Truck Stop Women - I know, incredible!) Commando tells the tale of hard-ass military chap John Matrix (John Matrix!) and his suitably low-key attempt to rescue his kidnapped daughter from the clutches of uber-villain Arius (played with almost racist zeal by the legendary Dan Hedaya, slapping on the fake tan like you wouldn't believe) and his horde of increasingly dastardly bastards.
Needless to say, it's still completely and utterly amazing, regardless of the film's somewhat cavalier attitude to continuity errors (check out the chase sequence with the yellow sports car - one minute it's mangled like a dog's arse, the next it's showroom pristeen. Incredible.) Oh, and the bit where Arnie swings across the shopping mall is still one of the greatest stunts ever committed to film, if not the single greatest moment in the history of movies. Ever. Or something.
You are now entering a Schneider-free zone...
OK, munchkins.
This is 24 Frame Planet, a new movie blog in a world shit-filled with movie blogs. Now I realise that for a lot of folk, the very appearance of a new movie blog is only fractionally more welcome than a smack in the knackers. Well, tough: your knackers are about to be well and truly smacked, cinematically speaking.
For what it's worth, our editorial policy is pretty simple:-
1. Be inclusive, not exclusive - movie snobbery is the first step on a path of slippery evil, and we do not consider our views to be any more or less worthwhile than you or yours (although as you will see, we are usually right;)
2. Absolutely, postively no bullshit - if it stinks, we'll sniff it, then throw it away in feigned disgust;
3. Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol is by a country mile the best of all the Police Academy films simply because it features Mahoney getting rowdy on a balloon, and that rocks;
4. No Rob Schneider (that's not snobbery, it's damage limitation.)
Er, and that's about it. To be completely honest with you, we're just as likely to feature Zac Efron as we are the new Michael Haneke. And you know why? Because movies are totally and utterly AMAZING. Even when they're kinda shitty, movies are still invariably the greatest thing in the whole wide world. And no matter how you look at it, in a no-holds-barred grudge match to the death, High School Musical pretty much takes Funny Games every time.
Deal?
Chris Blohm
Editor-in-Chief
This is 24 Frame Planet, a new movie blog in a world shit-filled with movie blogs. Now I realise that for a lot of folk, the very appearance of a new movie blog is only fractionally more welcome than a smack in the knackers. Well, tough: your knackers are about to be well and truly smacked, cinematically speaking.
For what it's worth, our editorial policy is pretty simple:-
1. Be inclusive, not exclusive - movie snobbery is the first step on a path of slippery evil, and we do not consider our views to be any more or less worthwhile than you or yours (although as you will see, we are usually right;)
2. Absolutely, postively no bullshit - if it stinks, we'll sniff it, then throw it away in feigned disgust;
3. Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol is by a country mile the best of all the Police Academy films simply because it features Mahoney getting rowdy on a balloon, and that rocks;
4. No Rob Schneider (that's not snobbery, it's damage limitation.)
Er, and that's about it. To be completely honest with you, we're just as likely to feature Zac Efron as we are the new Michael Haneke. And you know why? Because movies are totally and utterly AMAZING. Even when they're kinda shitty, movies are still invariably the greatest thing in the whole wide world. And no matter how you look at it, in a no-holds-barred grudge match to the death, High School Musical pretty much takes Funny Games every time.
Deal?
Chris Blohm
Editor-in-Chief
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