THIS NEW "INVICTUS" POSTER IS RUBBISH..

Unbelievable.

NO, MEL GIBSON - WITH THIS ULTRAVIOLENT VIKING DRAMA YOU ARE TRULY SPOILING US!...

This is going to be fucking INSANE.

So after spending the last few years making merry in a sugartits-sized chasm of alcoholism and divorce, the Lethal Weapon legend and director of Catholic torture porn (that'll be the Passion of the Christ, then) finally returns to the screen in 2010's Martin Campbell-directed thriller Edge of Darkness. After that, he's heading up the forthcoming Jodie Foster comedy The Beaver (don't laugh - early word is terrific) and then, well, then he's going back behind the camera and it sounds all kind of mental...

According to producer Graham King, Gibson's untitled Viking epic will be "an awe-inspiring story, created with some of the industry s finest cinematic talent" (via Variety.) To be honest, they had us at "Mel Gibson + vikings." Sounds too perfect, right? Rape, pillage, accents, unyieldingly brutal expressions of personal faith...this really has got the star of Bird on the Wire and What Women Want written all over it!

The man behind the screenplay is William Monahan, who rocked our world with The Departed and wobbled it slightly with Kingdom of Heaven. Still, good fit for the material. And the project will be top-lined by Leonardo Dicaprio because, you know, everything has to be toplined by Leonardo Dicaprio (oh, btw, apparently Shutter Island is fantastic.) There's no question of course that big mad Mel can handle historical extravaganzas with his eyes gouged out - Braveheart bagged him Oscars galore back in 1995. And his last film as director, the amazing Mayan chase movie Apocalypto proved he could handle visceral, thrilling action in an unconventional setting.

Shooting begins in the Autumn, and as they say in the fjords: Norse to see you, to see you, Norse!

Can't wait.

But seeing as we are, here's a picture of Mel Gibson looking batshit mental:



Oh, and another one:

AND THE 2010 AWARD FOR STANLEY KUBRICK LOOKY-LIKEY OF THE YEAR GOES TO...

Climate bastard Professor Richard Lindzen!

GOOD FOR YOU, CHRISTOPHER NOLAN...

Oooh, looky!

A poster for INCEPTION...


Pretty, huh?

FUNNY, BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT NOTTINGHAM IS LIKE: "ROBIN HOOD" TEASER HITS...

We're looking forward to this one.

Last seen poncing around in Kevin Mcdonald's journo thriller State of Play, Russell Crowe finally gets an opportunity to air out his husky action persona as he dons tights (maybe) and Lincoln green (perhaps) for fully certified Legend of Cinema Ridley Scott (that's Sir Ridley Scott to you) in an all-new, mega-gritty, ultra-muddy, rough and ready retelling of the classic tale.

With Cate Blanchett on board as Maid Marion, and Matthew McFadyen making a big blockbuster sized breakthrough as a suitably nefarious Sheriff of Nottingham, Scott's take on the Robin Hood legend promises hard-hitting action, a rousing story of an empire ripped apart, and the whole thing looks like it will be dripping in romance...

Now, forgive us for being presumptuous, but this all sounds a bit Gladiator to us, which is hunky dory as far we're concerned. After all, the last time Crowe and Scott hooked up, it was for the dull spy drama Body of Lies, and before that the dead-on-arrival turkey of A Good Year. The question is, can Robin Hood rescue their rep and ressurrect the historical action epic a second time? We say yay.

5 reasons why Robin Hood will be awesome...

1. It's an amazing story...one of the best ever, in fact, and frankly, it's theirs to fuck up.

2. Russell Crowe looks like he's channelling a bit of the old Maximus Decimus which is a VERY GOOD THING INDEED. Brood, Crowe, broooooood!

3. It looks jam-packed with exciting medieval bow 'n' arrows goodness, and the violence levels look promising - could this be the most bloodthirsty Robin Hood yet?

4. It's not all about Crowe and Cate - look at that supporting cast! Mark Strong! Danny Huston! William Hurt! Max Von bloody Sydow!

5. C'mon, it's Ridley Scott, and Ridley Scott is amazing. (Just don't mention Matchstick Men. Or GI Jane. Or White Squall. Or A Good Year. Okay, Ridley Scott is MOSTLY amazing...)

Arrows will fly May 2010.

In the meantime....

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE: A GENIUS WORK OF STAGGERING HEARTBREAK...OR, MONSTERS VS. ALIENATION...

THE GOOD...

1. It's about what happens when you find a family, lose it through your own selfishness and then, finally, after the dust has settled (in this movie there's literally a desert) realise for the first time in your life that the world doesn't necessarily revolve around you... Spike Jonze's thoughtful, nostalgic, terrifying adaptation of Maurice Sendak's timeless childhood tale evokes the sheer, gut-wrenching trauma of growing up unlike any film in recent memory....it's as much about making dens and sleeping together in a big pile as it is about what happens when you tear familes apart. A rich, rewarding film about childhood but not necessarily one for children - more likely, it's for twenty/thirtysomethings who can just about remember their own formative years and are still trying to make sense of it all.

2. The loud, kinetic, violent opening sequence that introduces us to Max (he bounds down the stairs, wrestles with his pet dog, then builds and destroys an igloo) is some of the most exciting film-making this year...the subsequent terrorisation of his mother (nicely underplayed by the brilliant Catherine Keener) is equally devastating - and the only monster on-screen at this point is Max himself... it's also one of the weirdest opening sequences to a family film you'll ever see.

3. The sea voyage to the land of the Wild Things is epic and scary, the storm that envelops Max wonderfully summing up the hero's escape from reality to fantasy after running away from home... it's a nice counterpoint to the fun and frolics that take place when the wild rumpus finally starts...And when it starts it's delightful, a real sugar rush.

4. Mesmerising debut performance from Max Records...it's probably no coincidence he looks like a young version of Jonze but he oozes charm even in his wildest, most anarchic moments...believe us, the guy's a star in the making (and just how cool is the name Max Records anyway?) Kudos to Jonze for going for an unknown and holding out for his guy.

5. Stunning visual FX work throughout...the transition from monster suit to CG facial expressions is flawless - these creatures have real heart... There's also perfect voice casting for the Wild Things, each of whom represent a different strand of Max's pre-teen angst...in particular, James Gandolfini plays Carol, the Wild Thing with the closest affinity to Max, with affection, frustration, arrogance and warmth.

6. Possibly the finest, most emotional goodbye you'll see on film this year...when Max finally has to leave Carol and the rest of the Wild Things for the long voyage home (this time through calmer seas) it's completely and utterly devastating...frankly, you'll feel as if your heart's been torn out.

7. Stubbornly uncommercial and all the better for it...this could have been a much more mainstream, more Disney-fied experience but thankfully Jonze sticks to his guns and, alongside screenwriter Dave Eggers, turns in a genuinely moving, artistically challenging masterpiece.

THE BAD...

1. It's slow in parts - expect the little ones to get very restless during some of the more contemplative, sadder moments during the film's middle and final acts... a short film at 94 minutes, but not exactly a quick one.

2. Nothing really happens...the film doesn't have the most complex of narratives but then again what do you expect from an adaptation of a story that's only 10 lines long?

3. No Arcade Fire...the soundtrack by Karen O & Friends is lovely and all, but the trailer promised some hot "Wake Up" action that sadly never transpires... Having said that, it's probably for the best - the film already contains plenty to stimulate those hipster waterworks...

THE VERDICT...

An emotionally bruising experience, Where The Wild Things Are is a kid's film for grown-ups with some beautiful work from Jonze, here working at the top of his game. Hold onto your hankies, it's an easy...

*****

THE BOX... SET THE CONTROLS FOR THE HEART OF INTRIGUE!...

THE GOOD...

1. It's adapted from stylish, schlocky source material...sci-fi Richard Matheson's short story Button, Button (previously filmed for a very 80s episode of the The Twilight Zone - see clips below...Matheson himself was the genius behind the original I Am Legend) sets-up a nice, simple premise: would you take $1million knowing full well that someone, somewhere else in the world, whom you don't know, will die as a direct result? Richard Kelly, director of sublime angstravaganza Donnie Darko and apocalyptic dirge Southland Tales, uses this apparently simple MacGuffin as a springboard for some increasingly insane, freaky conspiracy plotting.

2. Ladies and gentleman, Frank Langella... He stormed it in last year's awards-bothering Frost/Nixon and here he's brings the menace as Arlington Steward, the mysterious stranger behind pretty much every single nefarious going on in the film...In truth, he doesn't need the CG facial burns, that's just panto villain stuff - his malevolent uber-villain would be terrifying without the scars...in other words, he's creepy-as-fuck with sinister intentions (just exactly who are his "employers", mmmm?)

3. Cameron Diaz and James Marsden nail it as the ordinary, everyday couple driven to near-madness by their dilemma... Diaz in particular gets it just right as a mother and a teacher, physically deformed (dodgy foot, you know), wracked with guilt, driven to desperation...

4. Things get genuinely wacky in the last act... We mean VERY twisted, almost existentially so... Don't expect easy answers, though - seriously, who the fuck really knows what's really going on in the end? The best thing to with The Box is just to sit back, relax and hope that it all works out in the end (which it does, sort of.) Put it this way, this is The Parallax View via Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978 specs) as seen through the eyes of David Lynch. Enjoy the ride.

5. It's probably evil... Ok, so The Box is a 12a certificate, but some really nasty things happen to key protagonists...the pervading sense of paranoia and desperation escalates as the film gets twistier and turnier and you really feel as if anyone (and we mean anyone) could pop their clogs at any given moment... For once, something worthy of the classic BBFC disclaimer "contains mild peril."

6. It's about 20 times better than Southland Tales... Admittedly, that's not really saying much given that Southland Tales was only marginally more enjoyable than a dagger in the balls, but there you go: The Box is 20 times better than something that's only marginally more enjoyable than a dagger in the balls. Put that on the poster, Warner Bros.

7. An amazing score by the Arcade Fire..it's big and baroque, full of 70s conspiracy thriller-style flourishes...the perfect, pulpy accompaniment to Kelly's labyrinthine craziness.

8. This is meant to be Kelly's "mainstream" breakthrough, a conventional thriller designed to bring in the punters. It's not. It's probably one the least commercial films you'll see in a multiplex all year. (In other words, not exactly a date movie.)

THE BAD...

1. The narrative flourishes that keep the film interesting will infuriate some... true, as the story becomes increasingly (ahem) cosmic, the screenplay sometimes veers into Shyamalan territory....if it feels silly, then that's probably because it is - let's be honest, some of the later revelations will not endear the film to skeptics...

2. Painfully slow in parts...the pace completely cranks down about half-way through when it should be ticking off those plot points. Thankfully, the movie rewards patience (and when we say "rewards patience" what we really mean is "it goes fucking nuts.")

3. The editing can be a bit random...Kelly has a habit of cutting to random images that allude to future events but make no sense in context...it's as if he feels the mystery is somehow enhanced by randomly whipping away to something wacky during inappropriate moments. In truth it justs makes the film even more pretentious.

THE VERDICT...

Barmy stuff from Darko director Kelly...The Box takes a mental premise and runs with it. Fine, so the story doesn't really stand up to scrutiny but that's not really the point. For sheer bollocks alone, The Box deserves a big, old-fashioned...

****

KILL BILL 3 TRAILER REVEALED...

"HARVEY" GETS STEWED..SPIELBERG STEPS AWAY FROM THE RABBIT, DUMPS ILL-FATED REMAKE...

Now, we're probably some of the biggest Spielberg fans out there (and yes, that includes 1941, Always and Hook) but even we're relieved at this one. All we can say is "phew, that was close..."

After successfully bailing out of the dreaded Oldboy remake with Will Smith, a project that couldn't have been more doomed if it tried, Spielberg has now gone one further and ditched Harvey, a proposed remake of the 1950 James Stewart classic and his next scheduled movie as director.

DIrected by Henry Koster and adapted by Mary Chase from her Pultzer Prize-winning stage production, Harvey is one of old Hollywood's sacred cows, a movie that's so beloved by so many that the idea of remaking it reeks entirely of mental. It's like trying to reimagine Casablanca, or The Maltese Falcon - you can't improve on perfection, right?

Thankfully, it seems that Hollywood's A-list agreed. After failing to secure either Tom Hanks, who allegedly didn't want to go anywhere near James Stewart's revered performance, or Robert Downey Jr, who helped develop the screenplay but couldn't commit to the material, Spielberg has announced his intentions to step away from the project to co-backers Twentieth Century Fox.

All of this flip-flopping has left Spielberg's reputation intact and his slate clean, leading to speculation about future projects.

Depending on the availability of one Mr. Liam Neeson (currently toiling away on Joe Carnahan's big-budget A-Team reboot) our money's on the long-gestating Lincoln biopic which Spielberg's been trying to get off the ground for years. A return to historical drama would suit him well after the popcorn fluff of Crystal Skull and next year's mo-cap Tintin extravaganza (co-produced with Peter Jackson, no less, from an Edgar Wright/Joe Cornish screenplay.) And we all know what happened the last time Spielberg and Neeson worked together...OSCAR GOLD.

Of course, if the Lincoln film's still not ready to go, there's always an adaptation of Michael Crichton's final novel Pirate Latitudes in the works... A Spielberg pirate movie? Consider us 100% on board...

Variety has the "Harvey" story HERE.

SCREW YOU, AVATAR...THE REAL GAME-CHANGER THIS CHRISTMAS IS "STAN HELSING"...

You've really got to hand it to Leslie Nielsen. Even at the ripe old age of 127, the Naked Gun actor really knows how to scrape the celluloid barrel. In evidence, we present for your consideration his latest magnum opus, Stan Helsing..

Unfortunately, we can't really give Nielsen any credit for this shitefest. All the blurb says that it's from "one of the guys who brought you Scary Movie" and, sadly, that poor soul happens to be a chap called Bo Zenga, one of the executive producers of the aforementioned Wayans Bros. smash. This time out, Zenga is the sole writer/director of a horror parody that pits a whole bunch of classic movie anti-heroes (Freddy Krueger, Jason Vorhees, Pinhead etc) against a cast of hapless but attractive teenagers (and Leslie Nielsen, in drag) for one big monster mash-up.

The good news is that if this turns out as half as well as Zenga's previous work (his last writing credit was for 2004's Soul Plane) then Stan Helsing will literally be as good as half a turd.

Currently boasting an impressive 3.7 User Rating on the IMDB, Stan Helsing is out on DVD in the UK on 1st February 2010 - don't say we didn't warn you.

http://www.stanhelsingthemovie.com/

I AM SIGOURNEY WEAVER/I AM NOT SIGOURNEY WEAVER...AN UPDATE...

There has been no response from James Cameron at this time.

That is all.

SUBTITLES OF THE DAMNED: RED CLIFF...

OMFG!...PAUL GREENGRASS BAILS ON BOURNE 4!...

Let's be honest: The Bourne Ultimatum fucking rocked. So when it was announced a little earlier this year that Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass would reunite for a brand new Bourne movie in 2011, we were more than a little excited. In fact, we were well and truly stoked...

Sadly, amid allegations of studio entanglements, it looks like Greengrass has had a change of heart and left the project, releasing the following statement:

“You won't find a more devoted supporter of the Bourne franchise than me. I will always be grateful to have been the caretaker to Jason Bourne over the course of 'The Bourne Supremacy' and 'The Bourne Ultimatum.' I'm very proud of those films and feel they express everything I most passionately believe about the possibility of making quality movies in the mainstream. My decision to not return a third time as director is simply about feeling the call for a different challenge. There's been no disagreement with Universal Pictures. The opportunity to work with the Bourne family again is a difficult thing to pass up, but we have discussed this together, and they have been incredibly understanding and supportive. I've been lucky enough to have made four films for Universal, and our relationship continues. Jason Bourne existed before me and will continue, and I hope to remain involved in some capacity as the series moves on.”

Where this leaves the film is anyone's guess. According to this piece in Entertainment Weekly, Damon is apparently very loyal to the United 93 director but having said that, it wouldn't be the first time Greengrass has bailed on a valued property only for it to be resurrected by another director, after walking away from Watchmen in the middle of pre-production in 2005.

However, if Damon DID want to continue without Greengrass, we reckon these chaps are more than up to the task...

KATHRYN BIGELOW
One of the most exciting action directors on the planet, Bigelow cut her teeth with classy vampire thriller Near Dark and tough-as-nails cop movie Blue Steel, before taking on Keanu Reeves and a bleach-blond Patrick Swayze in iconic surf/robbery manfest Point Break. Apocalyptic, end-of-the-world sci-fi followed with 1994's stylish Strange Days, while this year's Iraq drama The Hurt Locker sealed Bigelow's rep for smart, testosterone-fuelled action and is generating serious awards buzzola. True, Bigelow doesn't make a lot of films, but when she does they're almost always incredible...

THE CASE AGAINST...A Bigelow Bourne would no doubt be brilliant. A Bigelow Bond would be better. Surely it's time to let Hollywood's top action-lady have a crack at Fleming's chauvinist secret agent? This HAS to happen... But if didn't, then Bourne would an amazing back-up...

STEVEN SODERBERGH
Since arriving on the scene in 1989 with controversial Palme D'Or winner Sex, Lies & Videotape, Soderbergh has spent the last 20 years carving out a reputation as one of Hollywood's most individual talents, continually treading a fine line between oblique weirdness (Schizopolis, The Limey) and more conventional awards-friendly fare (Traffic, Erin Brockovich.) However, 1998's Elmore Leonard adaptation Out of Sight was a grown-up mainstream hit while the "Ocean" movies proved that Soderbergh could adapt his style and deliver commercial entertainments to big audiences. He's also got a relationship with Bourne writer Tony Gilroy - Soderbergh was a producer on Gilroy's Oscar-winning tale of corporate intrigue, Michael Clayton..

THE CASE AGAINST...In the wake of such provocative recent films as Che Pts 1 & 2 and The Girlfriend Experience, there's probably not much of a challenge here for Soderbergh - his forthcoming slate sees him taking on subjects as diverse as Liberace & Cleopatra, so perhaps Bourne would be too much of a step backwards for this uncompromising auteur...

DOUG LIMAN
The former cinematographer kick-started the franchise with 2002's The Bourne Identity before handing over the reigns to Greengrass. An adrenaline-fuelled contemporary thriller, "Identity" not only convinced the world that Matt Damon could play a hard-ass super-spy, it established Liman's action credentials following solid work on smart indie comedy-drama like Swingers and Go. The movie was a surprise smash, and even paved the way for Casino Royale's Bond reboot. Sadly, Liman's never really come close to emulating its success - both 2005's Brangelina hook-up Mr & Mrs Smith and 2008's limp Hayden Christenson vehicle Jumper were critical disappointments, despite reasonable box-office.

THE CASE AGAINST...The first Bourne movie is widely regarded as the weakest of the trilogy, but frankly that's not saying much...a return to the franchise would the be ideal way for Liman to regain his position as king of big, glossy action drama...

What do you reckon?

24-FRAME GOLD..MANIAC COP

"You have the right to remain silent...FOREVER!"

From the twisted imagination of B-movie maestro Larry Cohen (The Ambulance, Q: The Winged Serpent) Maniac Cop is an efficient slice of grindhouse schlock that straddles both bollocks and brilliance and somehow manages to get away with it.

The fact that it's even vaguely watchable is remarkable - the plot is diabolical, the performances ham-packed (and I mean, completely & utterly Troma-terrible - sorry, Lloyd!) and the whole thing reeks of "direct-to-video" shoddiness, BUT...for something so undeniably cobblers, there's a wonky charm underpinning the gratuitous slasher violence on-screen. I mean, police brutality has rarely been so much fun! And more to the point, it's a B-list movie with A-list pretensions. Don't believe us? Check out the climactic car chase, a genuinely fun sequence with some really impressive stuntwork and production values way above its pay grade.

Throw in some amusing cameos from a couple of cult luminaries like Sam Raimi & Richard Rowntree and you've got yourself a good old Saturday night banger. And let's be honest, anything that keeps Bruce Campbell in beer money is fine by us.

SOME THOUGHTS ON "YEAR ONE"....

A bit shit, isn't it?