Commando (dir. Mark L. Lester, 1985)
Fuck James Cameron, THIS is the film that launched Arnold Schwarzenegger as a bona fide action superstar. Thank Christ, then, that Commando is still, after all these years, a gratuitously violent potboiler with all the charm of a rocket-propelled grenade in the face.
Directed with gusto by grindhouse alumnus Mark L Lester (yes, that's right, that Mark L. Lester, the director of the 1974 classic Truck Stop Women - I know, incredible!) Commando tells the tale of hard-ass military chap John Matrix (John Matrix!) and his suitably low-key attempt to rescue his kidnapped daughter from the clutches of uber-villain Arius (played with almost racist zeal by the legendary Dan Hedaya, slapping on the fake tan like you wouldn't believe) and his horde of increasingly dastardly bastards.
Needless to say, it's still completely and utterly amazing, regardless of the film's somewhat cavalier attitude to continuity errors (check out the chase sequence with the yellow sports car - one minute it's mangled like a dog's arse, the next it's showroom pristeen. Incredible.) Oh, and the bit where Arnie swings across the shopping mall is still one of the greatest stunts ever committed to film, if not the single greatest moment in the history of movies. Ever. Or something.
OK, munchkins.
This is 24 Frame Planet, a new movie blog in a world shit-filled with movie blogs. Now I realise that for a lot of folk, the very appearance of a new movie blog is only fractionally more welcome than a smack in the knackers. Well, tough: your knackers are about to be well and truly smacked, cinematically speaking.
For what it's worth, our editorial policy is pretty simple:-
1. Be inclusive, not exclusive - movie snobbery is the first step on a path of slippery evil, and we do not consider our views to be any more or less worthwhile than you or yours (although as you will see, we are usually right;)
2. Absolutely, postively no bullshit - if it stinks, we'll sniff it, then throw it away in feigned disgust;
3. Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol is by a country mile the best of all the Police Academy films simply because it features Mahoney getting rowdy on a balloon, and that rocks;
4. No Rob Schneider (that's not snobbery, it's damage limitation.)
Er, and that's about it. To be completely honest with you, we're just as likely to feature Zac Efron as we are the new Michael Haneke. And you know why? Because movies are totally and utterly AMAZING. Even when they're kinda shitty, movies are still invariably the greatest thing in the whole wide world. And no matter how you look at it, in a no-holds-barred grudge match to the death, High School Musical pretty much takes Funny Games every time.
Deal?
Chris Blohm
Editor-in-Chief
