Sunday 29 November 2009

THE UNBEARABLE WEIRDNESS OF BEING NICOLAS CAGE...

The good folks over at Lionsgate have unleashed the latest teaser for upcoming Nicolas Cage medieval spine chiller Season of the Witch, which you can watch RIGHT HERE WITH YOUR EYES...



Now, a couple of things to note:-

1. The film apparently has nothing to do with Halloween III: Season of the Witch, nor George Romero's lost 1973 horror pic Season of the Witch, nor indeed folkster Donovan, who has a song also called Season of the Witch. IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO ALL OF THOSE OTHER THINGS. Okay?

2. It's directed by Dominic Sena, the man behind such perfectly functional hits as Gone In 60 Seconds & Kalifornia, as well as being responsible for the still-genius Halle Berry tit-reveal in Swordfish (actually, joking aside, Swordfish rocks.) Oh, and he directed the Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation video, but you have to start somewhere, I guess.

3. It represents the next logical step in an increasingly weird series of career choices from Cage following appearance in such shoddities as Ghost Rider, Next & this supernatural/sci-fi guff-fest Knowing. After Season of the Witch, he'll next be seen in a modern-day, action-adventure version of The Sorceror's Apprentice - there's a vague frisson of excitement knowing that either film could potentially represent the nadir of his career...

4. On the plus side, his Herzog team-up in Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans is absolutely incredible and word is 2010's Kick Ass will be insane. So that's all good.

5. The premise revolves around the idea that a witch could have single-handledly been responsible for the Black Death, which is ludicrous but AMAZING. Appearance of Ron Perlman brings much coveted "Outlander" kudos to the exciting medieval action.

6. Perhaps most pant-wettingly exciting of all, Christopher Lee makes an appearance as a dastardly cardinal, and if anyone in the history of cinema was born to play a dastardly cardinal, then it's Rasputin The Mad Monk himself. Let's be honest, the plot is 100% pure Hammer awesomeness.

7. We'll absolutely be checking this one out on opening weekend (providing it doesn't go straight to DVD first, that is.)

8. Hope that's good enough to take Cage's mind off this.

9. And just what the hell was he thinking by doing this?

10. Er, that's it.

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